So how did you feel about that case study.
If I was to be completely honest with you.
Back when I started caution read about a decade ago Oh I'll be straight.
I used to come at my coaching relationships.
Back then the word would be coach.
I was more just trying to help maybe a little bit of mentoring but I would try to fix people.
So when people shared with me their issues or problems their goals soar and so forth I would generally
do my best to come up with a full package either complete solution or the action steps that they need
to do.
Not fully understanding or appreciating back then that it's responsibility that breeds empowerment.
When people would take full responsibility for why they don't half the outcomes that they want more
often their life.
What are the steps that they haven't taken in order to get there and then start deciding on the actual
steps that they are going to take and then start taking them they become automatically empowered to
change.
It's not like the worlds or we need gurus in our lives.
We don't.
No one does all that we sometimes need is just a little bit of help to better understand our selves.
So just think about that case study How did you feel at the end of it.
There was no resolve.
Did you end up feeling oh my goodness so.
So you know there was no solution there.
Nothing was resolved.
Well sometimes you can end up working with clients and there's not going to be any resolve because your
clients don't go on to articulate or defining any goals or action steps that they're going to take.
Willing to take will take and then isn't going to do anything whatsoever so we can't take everyone with
us.
What I also want to share with you at this stage of the course is that you can't save everyone around
about three years ago I was assured a few times in the course of then quite a bit of work with X forces
guys get rid of it two and a half to three years ago I was contacted by by an old friend that I used
to serve with and the military guy a guy called Bruce.
I mean Bruce back in the back in our heyday we used to be best of friends would obviously work together
would live together in the military when we were on leave it would go on holidays together we just got
on source Oh well no I hadn't really seen Bruce for about 10 years since leaving the military to pretty
much getting into this game.
I think Bruce had heard from someone someone else when the other guys that had coached over the years
that I was available for for helping and this and this he ended.
Again getting contact with me and which had turned about two or three sessions and Bruce was having
a lot of problems and his and his marriage at the time and his relationship and he was kind of in his
place and in his career he was very very unfulfilled he left the military then knew what to do with
his future he had two beautiful sons and but his lifestyle habits were really coming at a detriment
to everything.
He was drinking a lot and taken a lot of drugs.
So we'd had a few conversations with decided on a few action steps and then a I got a phone call one
morning after the road about three weeks from from another ex military friend saying the Bruce hards
had died of a drink and drugs overdose and I'll be honest with you all right.
That was one of these one of these times one of these situations I took that upon myself.
All right the guilt and the shame that I carry for probably around about six months afterwards really
knocked my confidence.
I stopped coaching people for for a short while after that.
Why.
Because I didn't fix Bruce I didn't save him.
It was really only probably that experience that gave me a deeper understanding that it's not our role
to fix people we cannot fix people.
What's the old saying you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make a horse drink exactly the same
way.
You can be available to help people better understand themselves become clear on what they want and
what the action steps are that they need to take.
But ultimately it's them that's gotta to take them.
We cannot make people do anything in life and this is kind of practical life guidance.
Whether you're going to coach whether you're going to be a parent whether you're going to be a leader
a manager or a boss or whatever.
So I just want to build on this old philosophical idea Northern myself.
Plato the ancient Greek philosopher used to talk about this as did Aristotle Socrates pretty much every
philosopher who's ever lived.
And they all say this at some point Northern myself and now haven't read quite a few of the philosophical
scripts and texts over the years I've what I've come to appreciate is that it's knowing our self that
gives us this foundation upon which we can base our decisions upon when we do not know ourselves when
we are not grounded within ourselves we can end up kind of been blowing around like that leaf in the
wind sometimes making sporadic decisions for the purpose of appeasing other people or keeping other
people happy and sometimes the decisions that we make are always for our selves.
All right so knowing ourselves I would always suggest is a first step that we can take towards becoming
free and liberated in life because once we know ourselves we kind of become a little bit unshakable.
What's true for us will be true for our clients so we're gonna unpack this knowing ourselves concept
through the rest of this section and especially in the next when we start looking at beliefs.
But for here I just want to help you become a bit more acquainted with you if that's okay.
And please forgive me if I'm can I teach you how to suck eggs here.
Right.
If this isn't a new idea for you I'm not really going to make any apologies for this because you might
see Cain Cain I know all this stuff I understand myself I know myself that's great is fantastic that
you do see a future clients most of them want the right support we need to do is find really simple
and very very straightforward ways of communicating our human experience because sometimes people who
have a feeling or have an emotion and say I are my feelings I own my emotions I am my thoughts I am
my beliefs and people do know how to separate themselves remember self awareness first self management
second.
So this is one of the first models I want to present you with to give you context for helping your future
life coaching clients better become acquainted with themselves.
All right.
So first things first if I was to ask you to lift up your hand just for a moment and just grab your
thumb and forefinger and give yourself a good benching.
Give yourself a good nap if you nip yourself hard enough.
You most likely feel a little bit of shooting pain going through your hand right.
We feel physical pain and our physical bodies.
Yeah thanks for that Kino.
I hear you say.
Well that's obviously quite a quite quite a basic idea but you know how many people do you know in life
that and focus more and invest more time energy effort money into enhancing and developing and you know
sorting out the physical bodies and what they do in developing themselves.
The core on a personal growth level my personal growth is a little bit more than just building apart
muscles as in personal growth as it was building up who we are on the inside.
All right so whilst body does give us an experience in life is not the entire experience unlike what
most what many people what many people are led to believe.
If you just want to link this idea back to what is shared right back at the start of Section 1 The mind
on the body are one right.
Some of the textbooks that I've read over the years can unpack the human mind and the free will when
emotions kind of like the separate from the body all right.
But they most certainly aren't.
Everything is just all kind of intertwined into tangles within this one thing that we call human human
life.
So our physical bodies of physical body then we have our spirit right.
I'm going to use this words but I don't know if you like the word at or if you don't like the word whether
you do or whether you do it.
I'm just gonna ask you to go for it here understand what I mean by this.
What I'm talking about Spirit I'm talking about and I don't use the word heart because then all the
biologists come along and say well the heart is just a physical Oregon that pumps blood through our
body.
Yes it might very well be the case all right but our heart is also more than that if we are aware or
I think about the last time someone hurt you or that you were heart in response to something that someone
said or done.
Right.
Where did this pain come from.
Because we experience physical sensations in our physical body and sometimes we have conditions and
our physical body we have you know various abnormalities or all these sorts of things.
So we don't give signals to those things.
All right but on a spirit level on a heart level we experience a different type of pain.
Now I don't know about you but say no I've experienced a little bit of rejection in my life right.
As we all have and when we are rejected when people assume the worst of us when people judge us what
happens.
That's right.
Of course we feel hurt don't we.
And I'm feel brokenhearted.
But as a common say it isn't it.
Oh I've had my heart broken it all.
The man of my dreams dumped me.
The woman of my dreams she cast me all for someone else and we get heartbroken we feel rejected on a
heart level we experience all this on I Oh what I would say in our spirits we wouldn't experience it
in our heads.
All right.
We feel brokenhearted in our hearts.
All right.
So a very simple level a very practical level.
And there's some people just really need to understand this.
I would always your spirit has been our identity who we are in truth i.e. our intrinsic value who we
are in character and also our values our priorities.
They also spawn from our heart.
If you ever understand if you want to understand why Patterson says or does the things that they say
or do.
All right take a little bit of time to understand their values.
E What's important to them.
We're going to be devoting an entire section of the course to core values and two sections time I promise
you this will be quite an insightful experience for you.
So moving on from the spirit I'm hoping you can understand and you can appreciate.
No.
The two are very very different aspects and very different parts of our overriding human experience.
We have the soul.
Was just another word that I use.
You might use something else you might say I don't believe in soul that's fine.
Does it really matter what I'm talking about so I'm just giving reference to our mind our free will
and our emotions.
What I'm going to demonstrate in the video is that follow is how all three merge into one.
All right.
Think about it on a day to day basis and you know what happens when you focus on fantastic positive
happy things.
That's right.
You feel fantastic and positive.
Remember that exercise.
A few videos ago when I asked you to close your eyes and focus on the best day of your life.
And then on the worst day of your life if you actually carried out the exercise you would have experience
some very different and contrasting emotional sensations going on inside your physical body.
All right.
Here's the thing.
Our mind is kind of like the gateway to the spirit to the heart.
All right and so our mind determines what gets through and what doesn't.
So say for example and you are your mates.
You're you're you're you're presented with the decision to make.
All right.
Say for example you are you're in work you're doing your day job and you have the opportunity to be
less an integral or to be dishonest for the purposes of your furthering your own personal advances.
What do you do.
So you have the chance to do something that you fundamentally know is wrong.
Right.
One part of your head says.
Don't be dishonest.
Don't be an integral.
That's wrong.
That's not who you are.
That's not who you want to be.
And you certainly don't want to be known for being an integral insincere dishonest person.
And then the second part your mind.
There's a way out.
You know I reckon is a pretty good chance no one will find out.
And if no one finds out what harm is it going to do.
Just blame it on the guy sitting next year or something like this.
Though this might be a bit of an extreme example.
All right.
But we all have this remember the old Tom and Jerry cartoons.
There was that looney tunes I can remember growing up watching cartoons on TV and you'd have Tom and
Jerry Thomas the Tom cut and Jerry was the mouse.
And every time Tom was I was about to chase Jerry to try and catch him and eat him.
He'd have a little angel on one shoulder.
Little devil one the other Thomas you know don't don't go eating the little most Thomas goody goody
two cart food instead.
And then on the other shoulder a little devils go Tom go get that mouse that most is a nuisance.
Go on kill em have em all.
All that kind of stuff and some people live their whole lives trapped inside of their minds.
Do you know what I mean.
In a place of a double mindedness and decision where part of us wants to do something.
Part of us doesn't want to do something.
So rather than just simply making a values based decision right we end up debating internally within
ourselves.
For days weeks I as years and end up going nowhere.
Have you ever come across anywhere who anyone who's just kind of stuck in a rut going round and round
in circles who's been going round in circles perhaps stuck in a dead end job that they hate and or they've
stayed inside of a destructive relationship that's passionless that I don't even want to be in.
Why.
Because some people do not understand them themselves on spirit level so they operate solely inside
of their minds all the time.
Well I wouldn't say they have ten reasons to stay in a destructive relationship.
Ten Reasons to get over top of the structure the destructive relationship but because they don't understand
their values and their priorities and what's actually important to them they end up just debating within
themselves for years to come.
No freewill is different.
All right.
Have you ever had a conversation with anyone in the past and say I just want to be free.
I want to break free.
And freedom is kind of like this goal that most people have in life.
People talk about financial freedom.
I want to build an online business these days and how financial freedom I want our lifestyle business.
Well if you think of what financial freedom is no financial freedom.
Just the means through which we get freedom with our time.
Most people don't want to be working for someone else doing things that they don't want to do that they're
not passionate about exchanging their time for another person's money.
But yet they choose to.
All right.
You know no one has to do anything in life.
You know we don't have to keep the law.
You know we don't have to go to school.
You know we don't have to do anything at all.
There's lots of rules.
There's lots of things that we believe we have to do.
There's lots of things that society will tell us that we have to do.
But ultimately we all have a free will.
We can all choose what we do and what we don't do.
All right.
Our will is always going to be determined by the thoughts are going on and are pretty much dominating
our minds.
So remind us where the thoughts come in the free will then choice is what we choose to do in response
to the thoughts enter our minds the thoughts entered our mind and our free will then ultimately determines
what it is we go on to experience.
For example we're not where we're not work environments again and we've got this choice this option
to do something really dishonest or on integral and then we do it we carry it out we we exercise our
free well we take action then afterwards what happens or what happens if I get caught out.
What happens if someone saw me.
What happens if someone if someone found out we feel anxious then perhaps apprehensive might feel a
little bit nervous we might even then go on to feel a little bit guilt or shame or something like this.
So the choices that we make of the actions that we take the decisions that we commit to on a day to
day basis always have a knock on effect in terms of how we feel.
And likewise you have the opportunity to do something really kind for someone to help that little old
lady across the road or share your life experience with someone in a way that really enhances the quality
of their life.
So you have a thought pops into your head you know you have an opportunity to help this person.
Well I would say yes I will see you go and then you help this person this person is open receptive appreciative
NSC.
Thank you so much.
You have made a profound impact in my life.
Oh my goodness you're amazing.
Then what happens.
You feel fantastic.
You feel fulfilled.
You feel were awarded all that sort of thing.
All right.
So I'm not going to unpack this anymore.
No I just want to introduce yet to this idea and again apologies if it feels like I'm teaching you how
to suck eggs.
All right.
This is just a very simplistic way of looking at the human experience but it's important we get this
first and foremost.
Many people go through life looking for some sort of spiritual experience.
Do you know people.
You know I would I want to be spiritual I want to be this I want to be that.
And it's not about going through life having a spiritual experience.
Why.
Because all of life is a spiritual experience because who we are is who we are in spirit.
There's our physical body there is our mind there's a quality of our thoughts as a free well others
our emotions.
But then there's who we are in spirit.
So what I would like to suggest here is that all growth is buried.
All right.
When we are committed to the process of personal growth then what we are committed to the process off
is growing and developing and building up who we are in spirit.
When we commit to the process of building up and strengthening who we are in spirit which really only
happens when we become established in the core facts of who we are and what's most important to us deaths.
And this alone is what leads us into this place of confidence and boldness in terms of and through our
decision making here with me.
All right.
So just a little taste or idea that will unpack in the videos that follow.
So hope you find this stuff interesting and I'll see you again in the next clip.